


Just stay CALM

by Anna_MusicLover5



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: A little bit of physical violence, Bullying, Cheating, Crushes, F/M, Insecurity, M/M, Not sure where I'm going with this story but will add tags as I go, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24986170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_MusicLover5/pseuds/Anna_MusicLover5
Summary: His dream was always to play in a band. He had always loved watching people perform, whether it was a little acoustic set at the local coffee shop or a huge band performing for a stadium filled with fans. He loved the feeling that watching his favorite bands play live brought him. Okay, so he's never actually seen a concert live. But he's sat in bed watching Youtube videos of live performances with all the lights turned off and headphones blasting. Same thing, right? Anyway, he always wanted to be in that same position. Bringing joy to other people as they listen to his music.Just trying to write something based off the songs in the album CALM :)
Relationships: Ashton Irwin/Original Female Character(s), Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Kudos: 8





	1. Red Desert

_Finally._ It's late into the night and he finally has time for himself. Alone. No one to bother him. He picks up his most prized possession and makes his way to the balcony that hangs off his bedroom window. Careful not to be too loud, since it _is_ nearing midnight, he starts to strum on his deep red guitar. He always admired the color, a bright yet deep red that just captivated him every time he looked at it.

Red was never a color he liked. It always reminded him of negative feelings, especially since that's what every English teacher had told them. Red symbolized rage. Anger. Revenge. He hated feeling those feelings and hated even more when other people felt those feelings. But one day, he noticed this guitar in the window of the music store he loved to go to. It shined when it caught the sunlight through the display glass and he knew that he just had to get it. And he did. It brought a new perspective to the color. And now, he really liked the color. Every time he looked at the glimmering red instrument, he felt at peace.

_Red, red desert_

_Heal our blues_

_I dive deeper for you_

He doesn't play anything in particular; he lets his left hand form the chords as his right hand strums in a pattern that just feels right. Trying to clear his mind, he lets himself fall into the sounds that each guitar string brings and stares into the dark sky. Music was the one thing that brought immense joy into his life. Of course, he enjoyed having his friends around, but music just gave him a feeling that he's never felt before. Especially at a time like this, just watching the stars glimmer in the moonlight, which was the only thing that lit up the otherwise pitch black sky.

He played for a bit more before decided that it was probably best to get some sleep, since it was a school night. He went back into his room and cautiously placed the instrument back onto its stand and climbed into bed, enjoying the last bit of silence before his eyes closed and fell asleep.

_What a blessing_

_To feel your love_

_Twilight moments with you_

The next morning was a typical morning. He woke up, got ready for school, and walked downstairs listening for any noise. After not hearing anything, assuming everyone was still asleep, he went into the kitchen and made himself some toast, which he ate during his walk to school. He put in his earbuds and just decided to continue playing whatever he was last listening to while thinking about what the day may bring. Hopefully he could slip into his class before anyone saw him.

It was a Monday morning, everyone's tired after a weekend of partying and doing whatever else it was that normal high schoolers did. He hoped that everyone would be tired enough to not wanna mess with him today. He was in a decent mode for once from having a fairly relaxing weekend and really hoped that mood wouldn't be ruined. However, as soon as he stepped onto the schoolgrounds, he knew he wasn't getting away as easily as he had hoped.

"Hey Lukey." He pretends not to hear and turns the volume on his phone up just a tad. He continues walking when next thing he knew, he was on the ground. He hadn't even had time to process that he had just been pushed before he felt a pain in his stomach. He didn't even need to see what was happening, as this happened almost everyday. He figured it was probably a kick this time since he was an easy target on the ground like this. He refused to open his eyes that he didn't even realized were closed until then. He could feel the anger surrounding him. _Red._ The reason he hated the color.

He was hoping that was the end of it when the voice spoke up again. "I heard you playing your guitar last night Lukey". He flinched at the nickname. He had actually really liked that nickname, considering there weren't many nickname options for 'Luke'. But now, he despised it. It just reminded him of the torment he dealt with each day. "I was going home after this _huge_ party and saw you playing. You really think you're gonna be rich and famous? Yeah right. You and that crummy little guitar are nothing. And you'll never be more than nothing."

Eyes still closed, he feels his breathing start to speed up. After about half a minute, he realized his tormentors had left. Or so he hoped since there wasn't a word spoken or a kick thrown in a bit. He slowly opened his eyes to confirm his thoughts and slowly stood up. He headed to the bathroom to clean himself up but his thoughts kept attacking with every step he took.

_I've been asleep so long_

_I'm so far away_

_Visions I see are strong_

_I hear what they say_

His dream was always to play in a band. He had always loved watching people perform, whether it was a little acoustic set at the local coffee shop or a huge band performing for a stadium filled with fans. He loved the feeling that watching his favorite bands play live brought him. Okay, so he's never actually seen a concert live. But he's sat in bed watching Youtube videos of live performances with all the lights turned off and headphones blasting. Same thing, right? Anyway, he always wanted to be in that same position. Bringing joy to other people as they listen to his music.

But hearing the words that he just heard, it broke his heart. _They're right. I'll never make it. What's the point in even trying. Maybe I'm too hopeful. I gotta wake up and face reality and stop wasting my time with music._ He stopped for a second saddened by the thought of stopping playing music. _No, I can do anything I set my heart to. I think._ He groaned to himself at the cliché little statement that everyone had always told him growing up. He tried to immerse himself back in his music to stop his mind from arguing with itself and entered the bathroom to continue on with his day.

_Won't you leave all your fears at the edge of the world_

_I'll tell you again like I told you before_

_I've been asleep so long_

_Wasting away_

The rest of the day went by fine. He had managed to avoid everyone and kept to himself, focusing on the reason he was there anyway: school. Except for the events that he faced each morning, he enjoyed school. He loved learning about new things almost as much as he loved music.

As the last bell of the day rang, Luke stood by his locker and gathered his things as he waited for his best friends. As he waited, he let his mind wander as he observed everything happening around him. He looked left to see a couple passionately making out. He rolled his eyes at the PDA but wondered himself what that felt like, what it felt like to truly love someone. Okay, so the high school couple making out in the hallways might not be true love, but that didn't stop him from dreaming about being in the perfect relationship. What it would be like to run away with someone. Away from everything and just enjoy his life and live his dream.

_Tell me would you pack up all your bags, stay true to North?_

_You're the only one I do this for_

He snapped out of it. _Stop it, you gotta face reality._ And reality was, some people don't get to live out their dreams. Especially when they was a big as Luke's dreams. He sighed and redirected his gaze and noticed someone else finishing up at his locker. He smiled at the boy's bright red bandana tied into his hair. It wasn't anger red like he had seen this morning. It was calming red, like his guitar. Boy how he wished he could be home playing his guitar right now.

_Red, red desert_

_Heal our blues_

_I dive deeper for you_

The boy glanced up at Luke and gave a shy yet warm smile. Luke's heart jumped a little bit, him not knowing why. Probably just happy to see someone act nice towards him for once. He tried to remember the name of the boy. He's never had a class with him, making Luke assume that he was older. He's only seen him in the hallways, and has only heard his name when his girlfriend would come up to him, singing the boy's name to get his attention. After failing to remember the boy's name, Luke just gave a small smile back and waved. After returning the wave, the boy picked up his things and walked away. Luke's gaze followed the boy until he was out of sight, turning into another hallway. Luke decided that next time he saw him, he would make conversation with him. He seemed nice enough. Nice enough to wanna acknowledge Luke anyway since the rest of the school couldn't have cared less about him.

_What a blessing_

_To feel your love_

_Twilight moments with you_

He suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder interrupting his thoughts. "Hel-LO. Luke, are you with us?"

Luke smiles. "Hey, Cal."

Calum smiles, satisfied that he now has Luke's attention. "Still down to come over?"

"Of course." Luke smiles. He enjoyed spending his afternoons after school with his two best friends, Calum and Michael. The two boys chat a bit, waiting for Michael. Once the third boy arrives, they head out of the school and head to Calum's. As much as Luke enjoys spending time with the others, he can't help but continue to think about the words said to him this morning. _You'll never be more than nothing_. He tried to shake off the negative thoughts, but easier said than done. 

He looks at his two friends and smiles. He always had trouble making friends and once he had met Michael and Calum, didn't feel the need to make more friends. So he spent all his time either with Calum and Michael, or in his bedroom balcony alone. But as much as he loves his friends, he doesn't feel as close to them as he should. You see, Calum and Michael were _together_. They didn't like to show it though, and Luke was grateful for that. He was happy for the couple, but it also made him a little uncomfortable when they were being all couple-y around him. And Calum and Michael respected that so they tended to refrain from being too cuddily when they were around any people, not just Luke.

_It doesn't take too long_

_To heal and replace_

_The demons we're running from_

_They're begging to stay_

They eventually reach Calum's house, Luke not saying much more than a couple words on the way there. Fortunately for him, Calum and Michael were too busy debating something or other. Luke wasn't listening. They enter the house to be greeted with a nice silence. Calum's parents were always working until late and his sister was off at university, making Calum's the best place to hang out after school.

Calum went into the kitchen to grab snacks for all of them. "Alright Luke, which do you want?" Luke must have looked confused at Michael's question and Michael sighed. "Were you even paying attention to us on the way back?" Luke knew Michael was joking around and wasn't actually offended, but he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Luke shyly shook his head. "Fifa or Guitar Hero?"

_Oh, they must have been arguing what game to play._ Luke answered Guitar Hero, of course. Michael put on a small grin as he sets up the game and it was obvious that Michael was also rooting for Guitar Hero. Calum comes back into the living room and puts on a playful pout after seeing the TV screen. They all settle down, Calum and Michael with the guitars on the couch and Luke with the microphone on the floor in front of the coffee table in the center of the room. Luke sighed. He had really wanted to play guitar, but there were only two guitars and he knew both Michael and Calum were both shy when it came to singing.

They play a few songs and for a bit, Luke genuinely enjoys himself. They all laugh when Michael completely messes up the guitar solo he was just saying he had mastered. And when Calum completely plays his bass parts off beat by accident, claiming there was lag between him and the screen. And when Luke's voice cracks a few times as if he was going through puberty again. But through all the giggles, Luke can't help but continuously think about what was said to him. Sure, he and his friends were having fun _pretending_ to be a band, but there was no way anything like this could actually happen in real life, right?. It was all pretend. But if it were to happen, he'd want it to happen with his best friends.

_Tell me would you pack up all your bags, stay true to North?_

_You're the only one I do this for_

Soon enough, the sun starts to set and Luke gets up to get home before dinner. He says goodbye to his friends and heads home. It's only a ten minute walk back, but he can't stop his mind from wandering even more. But this time, it wasn't all the bad things that have been haunting him all day, it was about that boy. Red bandana boy. Luke wished he could remember the name of the boy. _It started with an A I think. Andrew? No. Austin? That sounds closer, but not right._ He made a promise to himself that he'd introduce himself the next time he say the boy. He wasn't sure why he was so fond of the boy, since he didn't even know him, but shrugged to himself and continued his walk home.

_Red, red desert_

_Heal our blues_

_I dive deeper for you_

After dinner, Luke was up in his room. He tried to work on homework, but couldn't stop thinking about the day. It started out rough, as usual, but he still seemed hopeful. He kept wondering why that boy's little smile meant so much to him, but it was different. It wasn't some little pity smile because Luke had been caught staring at the boy. It was a genuine smile, one that warmed Luke's heart. Not even Calum or Michael made him feel warm like that. Don't get him wrong, he absolutely adores his friends, but Calum and Michael were friends long before they met Luke, so Luke always kinda felt like a third wheel with them.

He decides to give up on his homework for now, since it wasn't due for a few days anyway. He picks up his guitar and climbs out onto his balcony as he always does when he plays.

_What a blessing_

_To feel your love_

_Twilight moments with you_

Little did Luke know, there was someone listening in as he gently strummed his guitar. The boy sat next to his bedroom window when he heard the music coming from next door. He loved listening to the music that Luke's guitar brought each night. He especially loved the days where Luke decided to sing, just like tonight. It was a little difficult to see Luke, with all the trees in between the two houses, but he had gotten many glimpses of Luke whenever the wind would push the leaves around just enough for him to take a mental picture of Luke and his bright shiny red guitar.

_Red, red desert_

_Heal our blues_

_I dive deeper for you_

_(Diving deeper for you, diving deeper for you)_

He had a particularly rough day so listening to Luke was a refreshing change of pace. He tried to forget about his girlfriend who was mad at him again for some reason or another. He tried to forget about the classes that were absolutely kicking his butt; he'd definitely end up in summer school if his grades kept on like they were. He tried to forget about everything in his life and just drown himself in Luke's playing.

It was always very faint, since there was a considerable amount of distance between the two houses, but that didn't stop Ashton from enjoying the sounds that he could hear. He just wished that one day, he could listen to Luke play in person. But for now, he leaned back on his windowsill, closed his eyes, and let his mind escape for a while.

_What a blessing_

_To feel your love_

_Twilight moments with you_

_(All these moments with you, all these moments with you)_

As Luke continued to play, completely unaware of the not-so-strange stranger listening to him, he can't help but think about everything. Just everything. How he was never gonna make it. How Michael and Calum would be his only friends for the rest of his life. How he would never find his true love. That might be what hurts the most. Luke always wanted to be in a relationship. Okay, well he's been in relationships before, but they didn't end well. He wanted a nice, loving relationship. He longed for the feeling of being in someone's arms, or having someone in his arms.

Yet throughout his thoughts, in the back of his mine, he couldn't stop thinking about bandana boy _. Do I like him? Like, LIKE-like him?_ Luke had come to terms with his sexuality long ago. But what he couldn't understand was his infatuation with the boy that he couldn't even remember the name of and didn't know anything about. _Nah, it's probably just that he's nice to me. Besides, he has a girlfriend. He wouldn't like me anyway._

_Pack up all your bags, stay true to North_

_You're the only one I do this for_

Meanwhile, on the other side of the trees, Ashton was enjoying the faint music coming from the blond boy next door. He's always wanted to say something to the tall shy boy he always saw in the hallways, but wasn't sure how to explain that he eavesdrops to the blond's private music sessions every night.

Eventually, he took a deep breath and decided it was time for bed. He glanced out the window one last time, catching the glimmer of the red guitar behind the wall of leaves. He smiled to himself, feeling much better than he had just a few hours ago. As he laid in bed, he made a mental note to one day thank the blond boy who was bringing him a little bit of sun during his cloudy days.

_Red, red desert_

_Heal our blues_

_I dive deeper for you_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! If you're reading this, thanks for reading my story! I've decided to post a new chapter every Monday, which should give me enough time to write the next chapter haha. Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy! :)

The next day started out just like any other. Luke gets up. Makes a small breakfast. Walks to school, music blasting. Taking a deep breath, Luke steps onto school property, being wary about his bullies that he _knew_ were close by.

As if right on cue, he hears a sly "Hey Lukey" coming from his left. As soon as he turns his head, he feels a fist collide with his left cheek. Luke flinches and instantly brings his hands to his face, covering the left side of his face. "How's the music career coming along? I guess it's not, since you're still coming to school. What a failure." Luke hears a snicker, then footsteps walking away from him. He feels tears forming and his breath speeding up and quickly makes his way to the bathroom. He pushes through the door and collides with a stranger in front of him, causing the stranger to fall backwards onto the floor.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry" Luke stammers taking his hand off his face and offering it to the poor boy he just basically ran over.

"No worries, mate." The boy replies with a smile. He take's Luke hand helping him get back up and looks at Luke. "Luke?"

Luke freezes. _Oh my gosh, it's bandana boy. He knows my name?_ "You know who I am?" _My god, Luke. Can you be any ruder. You just ran over this boy and that's all you can say?_ The boy giggles and Luke feels a strange sensation in his stomach. _Woah, that's a cute laugh._

"Of course I know who you are, we're neighbors. You live next door with your brothers and parents." Luke's face turns bright red.

"Oh… I- um, I didn't know. I guess I don't go out much. Sorry." Luke replies sheepishly just wishing this boy would just walk away after he just made a complete _fool_ out of himself.

The boy smiles and Luke's heart flutters again. The boy's expression quickly changes to a frown when he sees the slight discoloration in the blond's face. "Hey, you good? Your face is a little…" He trails off not exactly knowing how to finish that sentence without being offensive. Luke just looks down not knowing what to say. "Come on, lemme help you clean that up a little."

_Angel_

_With the gun in your hand_

_Pointin' my direction_

_Givin' me affection_

Luke just watches as the boy examines the wound and reaches into his bookbag looking for something. "I'm Ashton by the way." Luke takes a mental note, making sure he remembers it this time. _Ashton. Pretty name for a pretty boy._ That thought alone is enough to snap Luke back into reality as he's feel so thankful that people couldn't read minds. Ashton takes out a little red makeup pouch from his bag and Luke looks at him amused. "It's not mine. I swear" Ashton says quickly, but relaxes when he see's Luke's small smile that accidently lets out a small giggle. Ashton smiles. "It's my girlfriend's. She makes me keep it in my bag in case she forgets hers at home or whatever. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I use a little bit on you." He takes out something that Luke can't make out and carefully starts to hide the slight bruise that was forming on Luke's face.

He wasn't sure why but something he just heard made Luke a little uneasy. He shrugged it off, thinking he was just feeling a little strange that someone he met no more than five minutes ago was rubbing concealer on his face. It feels like hours have passed by when Ashton steps back and admires his little art project. "There. That should cover that up."

"Thanks." Luke mumbles, hoping that the concealer will also hide his embarrassment. He looks at Ashton and observes all the features of the boy, getting sucked into his hazel-green eyes. Ashton smiles at him once again, making Luke's heart fill with butterflies. _Stop, he has a girlfriend. But his eyes. But he's straight. But his smile._

_Love is fatal_

_Won't you give it a chance?_

"Hey how did this happen anyway?" Ashton's question breaks Luke out of the trance he was in and Luke looks blankly at Ashton.

"Oh… um, there are these guys and they, um…" Luke trails off but a sympathetic look from Ashton lets Luke know that he understands and hopes that that's the end of the questions because all he really wanted to do right then was run out and never see this boy again.

_Center of attention_

_Don't you ask me any questions_

"Well, if you ever need any help, just let me know!" Ashton's bubbly personality reveals itself as he reaches into his bag once again and grabs his phone before handing it to Luke. "And if you ever wanna hang out, I'm right next door!"

Luke can't help but grin at the almost puppy-like boy in front of him. He takes his own phone and exchanges it with Ashton's before putting in his contact information. The bell then rings, causing the two boys to say their goodbyes and head off in their own ways. Oh his way to class, Luke can't help but think about Ashton. His mind was spinning and even though he couldn’t exactly make out any thoughts, he knew one thing: he _had_ to see Ashton again.

Ashton, however, didn't get a chance to take in the events that occurs within the last few minutes. As soon as he stepped out of the bathroom, he was met with his furious girlfriend standing in front of him. "Where have you _been_?" She demands without a hello.

"Hello to you too, Lexi." Ashton grumbles. "I was just in the bathroom, relax."

"I haven't seen you all _morning_! I need my make-up, I was running late this morning and didn't get a chance to put anything on." She starts reaching into Ashton's bookbag to look for her makeup pouch.

Ashton rolls her eyes and lets her rummage through his stuff until she gets what she wants. Praying she doesn't notice that he used some, his mind starts to wander to the blond. He had these pretty blue eyes that glimmered in the light and this light blond hair that was just the right amount of messy. Luke was definitely someone Ashton wanted to learn more about.

"Did you use some of this?" Ashton's thoughts were interrupted. "It looks like a lot of it is missing." She didn't look so much mad as she did confused. Ashton debated between telling her the truth or making up some little lie about trying cover up some cuts he got by falling or something. "You're not seeing someone else, are you?" She looked more worried now.

"No of course not! A friend of mine had a little bruise he needed to cover up so I let him borrow some. I hope that's okay." Ashton didn't have time to think about what he was saying until it was already out in the open. "You're the only one for me." He adds with a small smile. Lexi seemed satisfied with that answer he left it at that feeling a little defeated and strangely, a little guilty for saying that, although he wasn't sure why.

_Go on and light me like a cigarette_

_Even if it might be something you regret_

_You got me now, now, now_

_Swallow me down, down, down, down_

The first few classes went by quickly for Ashton. It was now lunchtime and Ashton was looking forward to spending a few minutes by himself on the bench in the courtyard, right outside the cafeteria. Things didn't go his way though. As he was finishing up at his locker, a pair of arms embrace him from behind. "Hey Ashy, ready for lunch?" Lexi looks at him with a smile plastered on her face. Ashton doesn't get a chance to respond before she continues on. "I'm excited. It's Ashley's birthday and we got her this cake. It's a gorgeous cake, Ash. It's definitely gonna get the attention of _everyone_ in the cafeteria. Everyone's gonna be _so_ jealous. And I need a new picture to post so we're gonna take a good one, okay?" She continues to ramble on but Ashton stops paying attention as they make their way down the long hallway.

The lunch period goes by _way_ to slow for Ashton. He glances outside and notices Luke with two other boys near the area he so desperately wish he was right then. "Ash, come on we gotta take pictures!" Ash grudgingly forces a smile for the phone camera that's forced upon him. Don't get him wrong, he enjoyed being in the spotlight, being one of the more popular kids in school. But sometimes he wishes he could just get away and be anywhere else.

But he did it for Lexi. He loved her. Or, at least he _thought_ he did. "Ashy pay attention! Smile!" Ashton did what he was told, but couldn't help but take one last look at the blond outside.

_I only light up when cameras are flashin'_

_Never enough and no satisfaction_

_Got no shame_

_I love the way you're screaming my name_

While Ashton was being mobbed by everyone inside the cafeteria, Luke wasn't having an easier time outside with Michael and Calum. They had noticed the unevenly coated paste on Luke's face and were questioning everything.

"Luke what the _heck_ happened?" Calum asks, trying to be cautious but his voice filled with concern.

"Who am I fighting?" Michael adds filled with rage.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Luke says in almost a whisper avoid eye contact with either of his best friends.

"Luke what happened?"

"When did this happen?"

They continue to pester him until Luke bits his breaking point. "Stop!" He yells, voice breaking. "It's _fine_ don't worry about me, this happens _every_ morning but you two are probably too busy making out in an empty classroom to think about me." He regrets the words as soon as they come out of his mouth. _God, what is wrong with you. You got yourself into this mess and take it all out on your best friends._ He sits down on the ground and closes his eyes, expecting the worst.

Michael and Calum look at Luke wide-eyed, in shock that they've been neglecting their best friend. Calum carefully goes down to Luke's level and wraps his arms around the trembling boy. "Mate, I'm so sorry." Michael follows the actions of his boyfriend but accidently loses his balance and knocks all three of them over, causing the three of them to end up in a laughing fit. "Mikey!" Cal exclaims as they're laying on the ground on top of each other.

They get up, still in giggles. Calum's expression goes back to worry as he remembers what had happened before Michael had knocked them all over, but the comforting smile and happiness in the blue-eyed boy allows Calum to relax. "Luke, I promise we'll be more attentive towards you. And we'll make sure that never happens to you again." Luke smiles in acknowledgement. "Besides, you can't be looking all beat up when you're rich and famous." Calum jokes.

Luke playfully rolls his eyes. His friends were always joking about him becoming a professional musician, but there was always a hint of not-so-joking. This time was no different. Calum had meant what he said, but he, along with Michael, were chanting Luke's name over and over, mimicking the loud crowd at a sold out concert.

Feeling his face turn red, Luke noticed a few people look their way, but couldn't be bothered. As embarrassed as he was, something sparked in him. Something that made him actually _want_ to go along with this musician thing. Despite his haters telling him otherwise, his best friends made him determined to do what he wanted to do. To pursue his dream.

_Diggin' my grave to get a reaction_

_Changin' my face and calling it fashion_

_Got no shame_

_I love the way you're screaming my name_

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly for everyone. Normally, Luke would go over to Calum's after school to hang out, but today was Calum and Michael's six month anniversary so he wanted to let them celebrate together, despite the couple insisting that they didn't mind him being with them. But Luke was insistent, so Calum and Michael had the rest of the day to themselves.

Michael wasn't the romantic type, so trying to plan a date with him and Calum was one of the most difficult things he had ever done up to that point. _Is dinner and a movie too boring? Is it too late for a carriage ride around the park? Should we just chill at home?_ Michael groaned. He had told Calum to meet him at his house at 5:00 pm so they could unwind by themselves for a bit after school. Except Michael wasn't unwinding, he was stressing. _Why did I tell Calum I had a special night planned? UgH!_

It was currently 4:30 pm and Michael was on the edge of a mental breakdown. He had called Luke to get some ideas and Luke had given him the suggestion of a picnic, which Michael really likes. The problem was, he had a half hour to make a whole dinner and get everything ready. Michael doesn't work well under pressure so every though making two sandwiches and packing some snacks would theoretically take no more than 15 minutes, it took about that much time for Michael to get his head together and even begin to think about what to do.

Before he knew it, he hears the doorbell ring and looks at the clock. _Oh no._ Dropping the slice of bread that he was holding, he grudgingly heads to the door and sees a peppy Calum on the other side. "Hi Mikey!" Calum pounces on Michael as soon as the door opens, knocking both of them to the ground. "I'm so excited for tonight. Happy anniversary!" Michael forces a smile, not wanting to ruin this special night for the two of them with the news that he had nothing. He must not have hidden his disappointment well because he sees Calum frown. "Mikey what's wrong?"

Michael just looks over at the kitchen. There's bread and sandwich meats all over the counter. A picnic basket was sitting in the middle of the floor. A towel that was meant to act as a picnic blanket was thrown over the kitchen table. "I'm sorry I wanted to give you the perfect night but I didn't know what to do and I had nothing planned and now you hate me." Michael says all in one breath before avoiding eye contact with Calum.

"Oh Mikey." Calum sits up so that Michael's head is sitting comfortably in his lap. "Why are you worrying? I don't need some fancy night to make it special. I just wanna be with you. We could be laying on your living room floor completely silent and I would still love being in your company."

_Lay me in the palm of your hand_

_I'll give you my permission_

_You'll always be forgiven_

Michael freezes. _Love._ They had never used that word in their six months of dating. Of course, they've each told Luke that they loved him, in a brotherly kinda of way, but neither of them had ever said that they’ve _loved_ the other. Michael looks up at Calum, eyes full of love. _I love you, Calum._ But he can't say it, but he doesn't need to. He admires the warm smile that Calum is giving him.

"Come on, bud. Lemme help you make dinner." Calum offers. They both get up and start making sandwiches. Calum gets a little carried away, mixing potato chips and chocolate bars with ham and turkey slices and Michael laughs at dumb yet very cute boyfriend. By the time they had finished (and made some normal sandwiches), the sun was starting to set, but they decided to go outside anyway and maybe catch the sunset.

After about a ten minute walk, they reached a small park and set up their little picnic. Calum admired the view around him. The trees were a mix of different shades of red, green, yellow, and orange, which matched the sky pretty well. The sun was starting to set, leaving the sky with a similar mixture of reds, oranges, yellows, and blues. He gaze then lands on his boyfriend. Michael was also admiring the scene around him. Making sure he was staying discrete, Calum takes out his phone and takes a few pictures of his mesmerized boyfriend looking around at everything around him.

Not even five minutes after they arrived and got everything set up, rain started _pouring_ out of nowhere. They frantically packed everything up and sprinted back to Michael's house. By the time they had gotten back, they were both soaked, but that was the least of Michael's problems.

"I'm so stupid. I should've checked the weather. I didn't even think about doing that. Ugh Calum I'm so sorry. I couldn't even make dinner myself and now we got rained out and I get it if you don't wanna be with me anymore. I'm sure there are so many other people who could treat you so much better and-" Calum cuts him off with a kiss.

_Go on, replace me_

_When you're craving something sweeter_

_Than the words I left in your mouth_

_Go on and spit me out_

"Oh Mikey. I don't want anyone else, I want you. This isn't your fault. I wish I knew you were so stressed about this, we should've planned something together." Calum hugs the shaking boy. "Why don't you go take a shower and we can eat and cuddle and maybe watch a movie, yeah?" Michael nods and heads upstairs to bring Calum some dry clothes and get out of his own wet clothes to shower.

While Michael is showering, Calum gets the bright idea to have an indoor picnic to surprise Michael. He grabs a new, not soaked towel and sets that on the floor in the living room. Then he places the sandwiches on a plate and sets that in the middle of the towel, surrounded with all the snacks that Michael had gotten earlier.

As he waits for Michael to finish up his shower, he looks through the pictures that he got of Michael when they were still at the park. He smiles and admires the blonde boy surrounded all of the colors of the trees and the sky. The entire picture looked just like a painting and that's the moment Calum knew. He _loved_ Michael. He just didn't know how to say it.

A couple moments later, Michael walks into the living room and his grim expression turned into the biggest smile. "Oh Cal." The lights were dimmed and Calum had figured out how to connect his phone to the TV and had the picture of Michael that he took displayed on the screen.

Calum wraps his arms around the tall blonde boy and kisses him passionately. They pull away when they hear Michael's stomach growl and sit down as Calum prepares a movie. Looking at the picture of himself still on the screen, Michael sighs to himself. He looked so majestic in that picture, but why didn't he feel like he was on top of the world? He loved Calum, but he still felt like he wasn't enough for him. He just felt Calum only knew his happy side, but as soon as he found out about the sadness that ate him from the inside out, he wouldn't wanna be with Michael anymore. But he just decided to ignore the negative thoughts and enjoy the time with Calum while he still could.

_I only light up when cameras are flashin'_

_Never enough and no satisfaction_

_Got no shame_

_I love the way you're screaming my name_

While Michael and Calum were off on their date, Luke didn't really know what to do with his day. He was laying in his bed listening to music. He could be his usual self and just lock himself in his room and play his guitar for hours upon hours. _Or_ he could be spontaneous. _I don't know how to be spontaneous. What should I do? Or I guess that wouldn't be spontaneous if I planned it._ His eyes fall on his most prized possession and he instantly knows what he wants to do. A mix of spontaneous and normal.

"I'm gonna start my music career." He says to no one in particular. After his interaction with Calum and Michael earlier, he's been thinking about what could happen if he tried to be a musician. Sure, it could backfire, but he'd have fun doing it regardless. The blond decided he would record the next song that played on his phone.

_Lets run away from these lies. Back to yesterday save tonight. I feel the sun creeping up like tick tock. I'm trying to keep you in my head…_

_Please don't go by Mike Posner._ Luke smiles. That was it. It had a nice groove. Not too much like a ballad, but not so hardcore that he wouldn't be able to product the same song with just a guitar. So that's what he did. He set up his phone in front of him and spent the next few hours learning, practicing, and trying to perfect everything as much as he could.

And then he did it. He recorded his first cover. He uploaded the video to his laptop and then to YouTube. Now, all he could do was wait. 

_Diggin' my grave to get a reaction_

_Changin' my face and calling it fashion_

_Got no shame_

_I love the way you're screaming my name_

His heart was beating super fast, so he figured he'd unwind by taking a walk. It had just rained a bit but the sun was peeking through the clouds. He didn't know where he was going, but Luke just started to walk and just let his legs decide where to take him. He ended up walking a little bit out of his neighborhood and onto a little trail that lead into the woods. It was pretty dark, with only the streetlights preventing the world from being pitch black.

He opted not to go into the woods this time, but decided he wanted to check it out one day. As he was about to head home, he heard a faint voice calling his name.

"Luke! Hey!" Luke turns around to see a the brown-haired boy with that red bandana in his hair running up to him.

"Oh Ashton, hi." Luke's heart jumps. "What's up?"

"I was just on a run and saw you so I figured I'd say hi!" Luke admired his bubbly personality. "What have you been up to?"

Luke wondered if he could tell him about the cover he filmed. Even though he'd hoped people would see it, he suddenly felt embarrassed _. What if people from school see it? What if I get bullied even more from this_? He was starting to panic.

"Hey, Luke. You okay?" Ashton looks at the panicking blond boy. "Luke, look at me." Ashton tries to get Luke's attention but the blond was working himself into a panic attack. "Luke you gotta breathe. Deep breaths. Breathe with me, come on." Ashton coaxes Luke and Luke starts to calm down.

_Go on and light me like a cigarette_

_Even if it might be something you'll regret_

_You got me now, now, now_

_Swallow me down, down, down, down_

"I'm sorry." Luke whispers ashamed that he knew Ashton for less than a day and he's already helped him out twice.

"You have no reason to be sorry. Can I ask what happened?" Ash's warm smile made Luke feel a lot better. 

"I.. Um. I kinda uploaded a music cover and I guess I was just worried about people at school judging me." Luke admits.

"Why would people judge you, your guitar playing and singing is _so_ good."

Luke looks at him confused. "How do you know?"

Ashton's eyes widen. _Busted. I can't let him know I eavesdrop on him._ "Oh um, I'm just assuming. I mean you gotta be good if you were confident enough to film yourself." _Saved._ "Besides, did you enjoy yourself when you made the video?" Luke nods. "Then if was worth it. No matter what happens."

_I only light up when cameras are flashin'_

_Never enough and no satisfaction_

_Got no shame_

_I love the way you're screaming my name_

By the time Luke got back to his house, he felt a lot better. He decided he wouldn't look at the video until the weekend. That way, he wouldn't have to worry about any hate or anything during the school week.

On the other hand, he kinda felt like he wanted to see some hate. Not that he wanted people to hate his music, but he wanted the comfort of Ashton. The way Ashton's smile brightened up anyone's day. The way that his hugs were so warm. The way that his personality was just so full of life. He almost felt like he would do _anything_ to get that boy's attention.

That's when he made the decision. Luke wanted Ashton. No matter the cost.

_Diggin' my grave to get a reaction_

_Changin' my face and calling it fashion_

_Got no shame_

_I love the way you're screaming my name_


	3. Old Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! If you've read this far, thanks for reading! :) These chapters keep getting longer and longer so sorry if they're superrr long haha. Enjoy!

A rest of the week goes by and nothing really changes. Well, except the next day after school, when Luke was going through his usual morning torment. Luke walked to school complete unaware that Michael and Calum were following him. So as soon as his bullies walked up to him to tease him about whatever it is they could think up that day, Michael came out of nowhere and started punching the people who were so used to punching Luke.

"Stay! Away! From! Luke!"

Luke stood there dumbfounded. He _definitely_ was not expecting that. He also wasn't expecting Calum's similarly dumbfounded expression as his arm wrapped protectively around Luke. They were both sure that Michael would've killed them if a teacher who was standing nearby hadn't intervened. Everyone involved in the fights got taken away, leaving Luke and Calum completely speechless.

Calum explained Luke that they wanted to follow him on the way to school to make sure that he would be okay. They especially wanted to make sure that Luke didn't feel neglected by them anymore. Calum did _not_ know was that Michael planned to unleash all his aggression and get himself into _huge_ trouble.

While Luke was worried about Michael, he was also grateful for his friends. Grateful that his little outburst the day before didn't drive his best friends away. Grateful that they're now a little more aware of his feelings. Grateful that he might have the _best_ best friends anyone could ever ask for.

_Shout out to the old me_

_And everything he showed me_

_Glad you didn't listen_

_When the world was tryna slow me_

The rest of the week went on with no troubles. Everyone had stopped bothering Luke so it seems that Michael's actions were worth it. Luke still feels guilty because he and Calum later found out that Michael had gotten suspended for the rest of the week and when his parents found out what happened, although they were glad Michael was standing up for Luke, they still grounded him for a week. So since Michael was trapped at home for a few days, Luke and Calum had spent more time together.

Sitting in his room, Michael had a lot of time to think. His moods were super all over the place. He would start off ecstatic that he had helped Luke. Even he wasn't really sure what came over him, but when he saw Luke getting hurt, he couldn't control himself and next thing he knew, he was sitting in the principle's office getting yelled at for hitting a guy, which makes him furious. _He was the one hurting Luke and I'm the one sitting here in trouble._ But then Calum would text him and his heart overrule the hatred in his mind.

**< From: Calum, To: Mikey>**

**Hey Mikey! Hope you're doing okay. I miss you. xo**

Texts like that from Calum would always make him feel warm and fuzzy. Sometimes Calum would tell him about his day or a dumb thing that Luke said or the newest gossip brewing within the school. But then he'd feel a little left out. He knew Cal would be fine on his own, especially because he had Luke to keep him company, but he just wished he could be with him. Then from there, his thoughts would spiral into not-so-good thoughts.

_No one could control me_

_Left my lovers lonely_

_Had to f*ck it up before I really got to know me_

Michael may have been on grounded for the weekend, but that didn't stop Calum from wanting to go out. "Luke, pleasee _ee_ some with me?" Calum begs Luke to go to a party with him. "It'll be fun! You never go out, you gotta come!"

"I dunno Cal, a party's not really my scene." Calum looks at him with his puppy-dog eyes and pouts. Luke rolls his eyes but smiles at his persistent best friend. "Can I think about it? I'll let you know tonight?" Calum seems satisfied with that answer and they both go on with their days.

That night, Luke is laying in his bed, still deciding if he wanted to go to this party or not. Calum had been texting him all afternoon asking about it but Luke just didn't know. Along with the whole party dilemma, Luke was also nervous because today was the day that he decided to check out how his cover was doing. He had his laptop in front of him and took a deep breath before clicking on his video. He saw things he was _not_ expecting.

So much positivity.

Luke was expecting the worst because it wasn't the best cover. It was just something that he whipped up in a couple hours because he had nothing better to do. But this was crazy. The comment section was full of comments like "Wow his voice is amazing" and "Ooo he's super cute". There were a couple comments giving him singing advice and of course, there were a couple hate comments, but that was expected.

Luke was so caught up in reading the comments that he didn't notice Calum standing in the doorway until the boy sat down on Luke's bed next to him. "Hey bud, what's going on?"

Luke jumps at the sudden Calum next to him and tried to close his laptop to hide what he was looking at, but it was too late. Calum puts his hand down, preventing the laptop from closing. Luke looked at him kinda sheepishly waiting for a response as Calum watched the video.

"Luke this is incredible! Why didn't you tell us you did this?" Calum looks at the blond in awe. "We gotta celebrate! Come on, come to the party with me pleaseee?"

Luke groans. Maybe he should celebrate. Or at least release some of the anxiety he was still feeling. "Okay fine. But under one condition." Calum looks at him confused but nods. "You gotta record a cover with me. You can play the guitar or sing or something but I want you to do this with me." Calum smiles and nods.

"It's a deal. Now we gotta get you changed, you can't wear jeans and a tshirt to a party. Good thing I brought stuff for you." Calum reaches into the duffle bag he brought and sent Luke to the bathroom to change into the cloths that he brought him. A nice dress shirt that was covered by a deep black leather jacket and a pair of black jeans to match. "Alright you look great. Now lets go!" And without any further delay, Calum drags Luke to the party that he couldn't seem to stop talking about all day.

_Never a night alone_

_Anywhere you wanna go_

_Woke up in the morning wearing someone else's clothes_

They reach the house and Luke is in shock. He's only been to one party before, but that one was a lot smaller and well, he couldn't remember most of it. But tonight, there were tons of people inside and outside, all with a drink in their hands. It was a bit uncomfortable so Luke was glad he had Calum by his side.

"Wanna go get a drink? C'mon, let's go." Calum leads Luke inside the house to the kitchen. As Calum was looking for a drink he thought Luke might like, he got distracted as one of his friends came up to him and started talking to him, leaving Luke to stand awkwardly next to Calum by himself. Luke looked around, taking in the scene in front of him. There was nothing interesting until he spotted a certain brown-haired boy.

Luke was debating whether or not he wanted to go up to him and say hi, but before be reached a decision, he saw the brown haired boy walking towards him, probably to get another drink. Their eyes meet and Luke can feel his the butterflies violently flying around in his stomach. "Hey Ashton."

"Hey Luke! Didn't think I'd be seeing you here." Ash's warm smile makes the butterflies in Luke's stomach even stronger.

"Yeah, my friend Calum wanted me to go with him." At that moment, Calum had finished talking with his friend and had made his way back to Luke. "And here he is. Ash, this is Calum. Calum, this is Ashton. He lives next door to me."

"Oh hey Ashton! I've seen you around school sometimes." Calum greets his new friend. The three boys start talking and Luke thinks that he might actually have made the right decision in coming to this party.

"Well it was nice talking to you guys. I should get back to my girlfriend before the kills me." Ashton says jokingly, but Luke could see a little bit of sadness in his eyes having to leave so soon. Ashton walks away leaving Calum and Luke alone.

After Ashton leaves, Calum reaches into the cooler to find another drink for him and Luke. "Here you go, try this." Calum hands Luke a drink before opening his own and downing in within a few minutes.

"Cal, slow down that's your third drink so far and we've been here less than an hour." Luke looks worrying at Calum.

"Don't worry, I know how to handle myself." Calum says with a slight grumble while opening a new beer.

And that's the last thing Calum can remember from that night.

The next morning, Calum wakes up not in his own room. He can't really make out anything because of the blurriness in his eyes. His head is pounding and he feels like he has no control over his body or his thoughts. He reaches for his phone and even though the light emitting from the screen hurts his head even more, he can't seem to remember what happened the night before. He goes through pictures and messages and although there are tons of pictures and messages from the night before, he can't seem to piece together anything.

_Pictures in my phone_

_With people I don't know_

_Woke up in the morning, how the hell'd I make it home?_

He puts his phone down when he sees Luke in the doorway. "Hey Cal."

"What happened?" Calum manages to get out, but is instantly shot with pain throughout his entire body.

"Take this." Luke ignores the question and hands Calum a glass of water and some medicine for his headache. Calum does as he's told while still waiting for an answer to his question. Luke continues to ignore the question as he gets on his laptop and continues to scroll through the comments from his cover video.

He got a lot more comments, probably from people just mindlessly watching YouTube videos on a Friday night, unwinding after a long week of school. While most of the comments were still super positive, there were a few more hate comments. Most of the new hate comments were saying that there was no way he would make it big, this _hobby_ of his would be just that. A hobby, not a career.

_And they wondered how long I could keep it up_

_But I wondered if I'd ever_

_If I'd ever get enough_

"Luke." Calum was still looking at Luke for a description of what happened the night before.

"You got blacked out drunk and completely humiliated yourself and I had to take care of you all night and bring you back here so your parents wouldn't kill you and-" Luke stopped.

"And what?"

Luke looked at Calum with a 'do you _really_ wanna know?' expression. Calum nods. "And you kissed someone…" Calum's eyes widen. _No way. He's lying. I couldn't have done that to Mikey._ "I don't know who it was and I won't tell Mikey if you don't want me to but… I think you should tell him."

Calum's mind was whirling with questions. _Who was it? Why did I do that? How did that happen?_ "Are you sure?" was all he could manage to get out. Luke nods solemnly. "I gotta go." Calum suddenly gets up, fighting through his throbbing headache, grabs his duffle bag he had brought the night before, and runs out of Luke's house back to his own. Luckily, no one was home so Calum spent his alone time pacing back and forth and just trying to remember anything he could from the night before.

_And I did some shit I never should've done_

_I would do it over now_

_I'd do it over_

This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. A few years ago, Calum had also done something he regretted at a party. He wasn't yet with Michael so he didn't feel as bad as he does now. And he had done something _much_ more than just kissing someone. With the alcohol and the loneliness Calum had felt years ago, it had resulted in him having sex with a random dude who he can't remember the name of. Remembering that memory seemed to jog his memory a little bit from the previous night.

After meeting Luke's new friend Ashton, Calum felt a little strange. Almost like a jealousy. Not about wanting to date either Luke or Ashton, but more of a jealousy about Ashton stealing Luke away from him. Maybe it wasn't jealousy, but more like a fear. He hadn't seen Michael in about a week and Luke and his new friend seemed to be hitting it off super well. He felt afraid of losing his friends, even though thinking about it now, that seemed completely ridiculous.

But with the little bit of alcohol in his system, his mind must have been slightly out of his control. And with the thoughts and fear brewing in his mind, all he wanted to do was drink more and more to forget all the feelings he was feeling.

And even though that's all Calum could remember, he still felt ashamed and awful for however the events that ended in him kissing another dude played out. But between the two nights that are now in his past, he learned that he and alcohol are not a good pair. Never again will he drink to the point where he can't remember anything.

_Shout out to the old me_

_And everything you showed me_

_Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me_

Later that night, he listened to a voicemail left to him from Michael. He had been ignoring Michael's texts and calls all day and finally decided he should probably respond to his boyfriend.

"Hey Cal! I guess you're busy today. Text me when you listen to this! I'm finally off of house arrest tomorrow and I was wondering if you wanna go do something tomorrow! The county fair is in town this week so maybe we can check that out? We'll see. I texted Luke too but he hasn't responded yet. Just let me know when you hear this. Byeee!"

Listening to Michael's voice just instilled more guilt into Calum. How was he gonna face Michael? He decided it would probably be better to not tell him and just pretend it never happened. Besides, the other person on the other side of the kiss probably doesn't remember it happened either. He just couldn't let Michael feel betrayed because of a stupid, drunk mistake. He shoots a quick 'yes, I'm down' text to Michael and a 'don't worry it'll be fine, lets go tomorrow' text to Luke after reading his panicked texts asking if Calum would be okay seeing Michael. Then we went to bed, trying to ignore the guilty feeling beating him up from inside.

_No one could control me_

_Left my lovers lonely_

_Had to f*ck it up before I really got to know me_

The next day, the three boys went to the county fair. Michael was feeling super giddy and bouncy after being stuck at home for a few days by himself. Luke was his normal quiet self, making sure he doesn't say the wrong thing to expose Calum. And Calum, well, was a wreck. Any time anyone tried to make conversation with him, Calum would try to avoid eye contact with Michael and give short responses.

Michael just assumed Calum was having an off day and didn't think much about it. Everyone had their off days where they just didn't want to talk to people and just needed the silent company. They were walking around the fair, looking at all the items that people were selling in each booth. Hats, jewelry, food, and a few little games. Even though they all knew the games were rigged, Michael convinced Luke that he just _had_ to try to play the ring toss game to win a giant stuffed Pikachu. He didn't do great, but just good enough to win a smaller stuffed red bear that he gave Calum.

It was about 4:00 pm by the time they decided to call it quits for the day. Just as they were walking out of the gated area, Luke could hear the whispering coming from next to them and that was the moment Luke spotted her. The girl from the party. The girl that Calum _kissed._ "Calum." Luke whispers to Calum, making sure Michael couldn't hear them. "That's her."

Calum was confused when he looked over to where Luke was motioning. "Her?"

"The girl that you… ya know… at the party."

Calum was in shock. All this time, Calum had assumed that he had kissed a guy. But now knowing that wasn't true, not only did he feel super guilty, he was also feeling super confused about his sexuality. But right now, that was _not_ the main issue. "We gotta get out of here. He can't find out." Luke nods and they try to speed up walking ever so slightly so that Michael also starts to unconsciously speed up with them, but they didn't get away that easily.

"You!" Calum cringes at the female voice behind him. "How _dare_ you." She scoffs before slapping Calum, letting her long nails scratch his face definitely going to leave a scar. She trots away happy with herself and she and the rest of her crew leave Calum and Luke dreading what they know they now have to explain to Michael.

"Calum are you okay!?" Michael examines Calum's face, softly touching the reddened parts of Calum's face.

"Michael there's something I have to tell you. " Michael looks at him quizzingly and Luke braces himself for Michael's response. If Michael got aggressive the other day to protect Luke, who knows how he's gonna be when he hears about his best friend and _boyfriend_ betraying him.

But Michael's response wasn't as expected. There was no angry blow up. No aggressive attacks at anyone or anything. There was just an eerily silent Michael who refused to say anything.

"Mikey?" Calum's on the verge of tears with now but Michael still wouldn't say anything. Michael just hung his head down and silently walked away, leaving behind a confused Luke and a sobbing Calum who was clutching the little red bear Michael won him like his life depended on it.

_All of the mistakes I made, I made, I made, I made_

_Whatever the price I paid, I paid, I paid, I paid_

_Shout out to the old me and everything he showed me_

_Had to f*ck it up before I let you get to know me_

After calming down Calum and taking him home, Luke goes back to his own house and decides to record another cover to distract himself from everything that just happened. And it worked. The next few hours consisted of picking a song, practicing, eating dinner, recording and uploading the video to YouTube. By the time he finished, he was exhausted.

He was worried for Calum and Michael. They hadn't broken anything off or anything, but he was still worried. He had never seem neither Michael nor Calum look so vulnerable before and he wasn't sure what was gonna become of this experience.

But he decided to let it play out and let them try to work things out on their own; he didn't wanna make things worse by accident. As he's getting ready got bed, he looks at himself. Just a few weeks ago, he didn't know who he was or what he wanted to do with his life. And now, he had posted two covers on YouTube, starting his music 'career'. Or as most people call it, his hobby.

_Another round, here we go_

_Going in blow for blow_

_Look into the mirror_

_Take the punches that I throw_

The next few days didn't go so well for Luke. Calum and Michael still weren't talking to each other. Well, Michael technically wasn't speaking at all. He hasn't spoken since his fight with Calum. Calum just seemed miserable and every time he and Luke were together, Luke could see the pain in his eyes.

But while Luke had planned to stay our of the drama and just wished things would go back to normal, he knew he had to do something. Because Michael and Calum didn't walk him to school to protect him anymore, his tormentors had come back, and now they were even more brutal. Someone in school had found out about Luke's YouTube channel and now Luke was paying the price for it.

More and more remarks about him failing and his life not going anywhere kept were killing Luke. Even though he told himself that he wasn't gonna listen to all the negativity, it was difficult to hear. Those thoughts were always still in the back of his mind and he became more and more insecure.

_I'm constantly reminded of all the compromises_

_By the people from the past who have a hard time letting go, yeah_

Michael wasn't doing any better than Luke. He was still in shock that Calum would _kiss_ someone else. Of course, he was drunk, but that was no excuse. But Calum had betrayed him. _Was it something I said? Or did? Why doesn't he like me anymore?_

Michael wasn't silent because he was giving the silent treatment to Calum or Luke. He was silent because he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. He still loved Calum. He wanted to forgive and forget. But what if that's not hat Calum wanted? What if Calum wanted to find someone else and Michael would just humiliate himself?

His head was constently spinning with questions and thoughts and he just wanted it all to end. So what better way to ignore his problems than to just no speak about them.

_And they wondered how long I could keep it up_

_But I wondered if I'd ever_

_If I'd ever get enough_

While Calum, Michael, and Luke were having problems between the three of them, Ashton was also having a few trouble of his own with his girlfriend. As much as Ashton enjoyed being popular and being with his girlfriend and all her friends, he was kinda tired of it.

But the problem is that he feels like he can't break up with her. While yes, he would feel bad about it, he was also worried about his reputation, but not in the way that you would think.

Before he got with his current girlfriend, Lexi, Ashton was sort of a player. He was known for breaking girls' and boys' hearts and sleeping with everyone. Ashton wasn't looking for a relationship, he was looking for a good time. Partying. Sex. Repeat. His lifestyle at the time to him was great and he couldn't have asked for anything else. But looking back, he regretted that and wish he could go back in time and change how he acted.

_And I did some shit I never should've done_

_I would do it over now_

_I'd do it over_

But then he hit a point where he just didn't want to be that person anymore. He wanted to actually have a girlfriend or boyfriend who he would absolutely adore and who would just love him back. It took him about a year and a half to get someone to even give him a chance after the awful reputation he was known for. And Lexi was nice about it. She taught Ashton was it was like to be in a relationship and how to treat a girl right.

But then she started taking advantage of him. Since he didn't know right from wrong, she would start by asking for little favors. But as their relationship went on, the favors turned more into demands. Ashton wasn't stupid. He knew that that wasn't how you treat your partner. Making him do things for her all day, every day. And _that_ was the reason Ashton wanted to break up with her.

Even though he messed up in the past, he knew how to treat a girl in general. He had a little sister that he loved and would never hurt. And he always told his little brother to respect women, despite how hypocritical that was. And of course, he learned a lot from his mom.

Back then, he just chose not to be the good person.

_Shout out to the old me_

_And everything you showed me_

_Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me_

He remembers one time in particular. Ashton was at a party with this girl, Abby. This girl had been obsessed with Ashton since the first grade. And in the fifth grade, they somehow became best friends. They'd bonded over music one day when Ashton had accidently been listening to music with his headphones unplugged. And since that day, they were inseparable.

So when Ashton started his bad boy, party animal phase, Abby wasn't happy. She had told him many times to stop and think about what he was doing with his life, but he didn't listen.

And one day, it happened. He had hurt the person who absolutely loved him. Of course, he had his family, but Abby had _chose_ to love him. But one day, after getting drunk before hanging out with her one night, he snapped. So many hurtful words had come out of his mouth and she had never spoken to him again. That was the day Ashton knew he messed up and had to change his life.

_No one could control me_

_Left my lovers lonely_

_Had to f*ck it up before I really got to know me_

And he did. He changed. It was difficult to give up the party lifestyle, but he did. He still went out once in a while, but he made sure to drink in moderation and respect everyone he came across. And then he met Lexi. And a few months later, they started dating. But Ashton's biggest regret was still losing Abby.

Every time he'd see her in school, he would try to apologize but she wouldn't have it. He'd texted her multiple times on a ton of different platforms but she must have blocked him because none of his messages ever went through. Even though he lost her, he never stopped trying to get her back. Even now, he'd occasionally send a casual message to see if it would go through, but it never did.

_All of the mistakes I made, I made, I made, I made_

_Whatever the price I paid, I paid, I paid, I paid_

_Shout out to the old me and everything he showed me_

_Had to f*ck it up before I let you get to know me_

A couple weeks after all the drama between Calum and Michael went down, Luke was just sitting in his room, playing his guitar of course. He had posted a few covers throughout the weeks since Calum wasn't really in the mood to hang out and Michael still wasn't talking to Luke or Calum.

So when Luke hears the doorbell, he wasn't expecting Calum at his door. "Hey bud."

"Hi." Luke wasn't sure what Calum was doing at his house but he wasn't complaining. He missed the boy and wanted to be able to talk to him again. Although, he was afraid that Calum was mad at him for some reason or another because as the weeks went by, Calum had unintentionally, slowly stopped talking to him.

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you lately, I've just been kinda wanting time alone." Luke understood. The two boys went up to Luke's room and Luke was just glad Calum wasn't mad at him.

_Devil at my door_

_Got me knockin', knockin', knockin' on the other side_

_Ashes on the floor_

_But I'm walkin', walkin', walkin' out of here alive_

They both silently acknowledged that they didn't want to talk about everything that was happening and that they both needed a distraction. "Do you wanna make a cover with me? It's a good distraction and it's pretty fun." Luke sees the hesitation in Calum's face. "Also you promised." Luke quickly adds before Calum could say no.

"Okay deal." Luke was surprised at the lack of convincing needed. They both spent the rest of the day choosing a song and going through the steps that Luke always took when he recorded a cover. All in all, it was super fun. Calum laughed harder than he ever had during these last few weeks and both boys actually felt a sense of comfort, like they knew everything would be okay if they gave it time.

Calum also felt right at home while preforming for the camera. It wasn't something he had felt before, but something in him felt right and just natural. The only thing that could make him feel even better was if Michael were with them and jamming out. It was his fault Michael wasn't with them right now, but he made it his mission to get Michael back.

_Shout out to the old me_

_And everything you showed me_

_Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me_

_No one could control me, left my lovers lonely_

_Had to f*ck it up before I really got to know me_

Since Luke's covers were the talk around school, both in a good way and a bad way, Michael was aware of the boy's musical career and had subscribe and watched all of Luke's covers. He wanted to congratulate Luke, but he just wasn't ready to face him yet.

Michael had also seen the cover where Calum joined Luke. He smiled at his two best friends. He wanted so badly to talk to them again and even maybe join them in a cover. But he couldn't. His mental state was deteriorating so much right now and he just had so many negative thoughts preventing him from seeing Calum.

What if he did something wrong? What if Calum doesn't want him anymore? What if Luke is gonna take Calum's side and not his?

So many questions. Not enough answers.

_All of the mistakes I made, I made, I made, I made_

_Whatever the price I paid, I paid, I paid, I paid_

_Shout out to the old me_

_And everything he showed me_

_Had to f*ck it up before I let you get to know me_


	4. Easier

Ashton had spent the last few weeks struggling with his decision to break up with his girlfriend. But the decision wasn't easy. Some days, Lexi was the sweetest girl in the world and he would regret even thinking about breaking up with her. They'd go on cute dates and Lexi would be nothing but sweet and caring. But then other days, she'd be a complete monster. Making him do things for her all day and then ignoring him for her own friends.

Ashton didn't know what to do. If he didn't break up with her, he'd have to get used to her high-maintenance self. Not that was always a bad thing, but she took it way too far. He'd have to get used to the bossiness and always trying to look good and match her style so that she could keep up her popular reputation. He knew if he talked to her about this, she'd just turn it around and try to play the victim. She would blame Ashton for not knowing how to treat a girl well.

But if he broke up with her, he was free to do what he wanted. But he didn't wanna go back to people thinking he was just the old Ashton. The party-loving, heart-breaking Ashton.

_Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?_

_I don't wanna know, oh_

_But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change_

_And you know you don't want it any other way_

He decided to take a walk to clear his mind. He walked out of his house and into the woods near his house. The woods was the one place he could just escape and really connect with nature. He wanders around for a bit before settling down at a tree stump, closing his eyes, and letting his music flow through his ear buds and take him away.

Ashton wasn't sure how long it was before he opened his eyes and saw the blond towering over him, scaring Ashton off of the tree stump and onto the ground.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you I was just exploring this place and I saw you and I wanted to say hi but I couldn't get your attention and I was gonna leave but then you saw me and now we're here." Luke was rambling but something in his rambles made Ashton laugh admirably.

"No worries, mate. How's it going?" Ashton could tell the blond looked a bit troubled.

"Just a lot going on, wanted to get away for a bit." Luke mumbles and sits down next to Ashton.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Ashton asks carful not to pry. Slowly, Luke explains the whole story starting with how Luke, Calum, and Michael were best friends. Then Michael getting into a fight. Then the night of the party. Then the evening at the fair. And now how Calum was breaking inside and Michael refused to speak to anyone. Ashton listened intently. After Luke finished, he looked a bit pale like he was trying really heard not to burst out in tears.

"Sorry for rambling."

Ashton shook his head and placed his arm around the younger boy. "Don't apologize. Sometimes, we all just need to let it out."

"Your turn." Luke says, big blue eyes looking at Ashton, ready to listen. Ashton gives a small smile telling Luke about his dilemma with his girlfriend. It felt weird saying things out loud; he'd never told anyone how he felt before. But he was glad he was talking to Luke of all people. After he explains the situation with his girlfriend, Luke offers some advice. "Your relationship sounds a little toxic to be honest. I don't mean to be rude, but it sounds like she's using you." Luke confirms Ashton's thoughts and he knew what he had to do.

"I think I'm gonna break up with her." Luke's heart jumps at this, which only confirms his previous suspicions. He still wanted Ashton. He hadn't had time to think about his little crush on Ashton since the whole Malum thing, but now that crush was back. "Have you tried talking to Michael?" Ashton's words snapped Luke back to reality.

He thinks realizing that he hadn't actually spoken to Michael since this whole thing blew up. He had just assumed Michael was mad at him and didn't wanna talk to either of them. Luke shakes his head. "I guess we both have someone we gotta talk to and figure things out with."

"Let's promise to both commit to trying to fix out problems. Pinky promise?" Luke looks at Ashton hoping that didn't seem too childish.

Ashton smiles reassuringly and hooks his pinky with Luke's. "Pinky promise."

_Why do we always gotta run away?_

_And we wind up in the same place_

_It's like we're looking for the same thing_

_Same thing, yeah_

A few days go by and Ashton can't seem to get his girlfriend's attention. Every time he would try to talk to her, she'd give some excuse about being busy and "we can talk later". Eventually, it was during a lunch period that Lexi had finally given Ashton the time of day.

"Hey babe, you wanted to talk?" Ashton didn't know what to say. He definitely didn't wanna do this in front of all her friends, much less the entire cafeteria.

"Yeah, um, do you think we can talk in private? Maybe find an empty classroom?" Lexi looked at him lustfully and Ashton knew his words came out wrong. He didn't wanna have sex with her, quite the opposite, really. But before he could say anything else, she had already dragged him to an empty classroom and closed the windows and doors.

Ashton wanted to protest, but his mind and his body just weren't agreeing right now and he let his body take precedence over his mind. He didn't have to do this now, right? It could wait til tomorrow.

_Yeah, do we really gotta do this now?_

_Right here with all your friends around_

_In the morning, we can work it out_

_Work it out_

Lexi passionately kisses Ashton and in this very moment, Ashton has to force himself to remember why he even wanted to break up with her at all. _She may ask for a lot, but she also gives me things in return. Like now. I'm a teenage boy who has urges._ He passionately kisses back and starts to feel that love for her again.

He can't break up with her. He won't. He may have promised Luke, but he's known Luke for a few weeks, but he's been with his girlfriend for months. Obviously his girlfriend had priority.

She breaks the kiss after a few minutes. "Oh by the way, can you pick up some things for me?" She reaches into her bag and takes out a shopping list for Ashton.

"Why can't you get it yourself?" Ashton looks over the list. There's groceries, snacks, a few clothing items, and more.

"Because you can do it?" Lexi looks at Ashton like it's the more obvious thing in the world. "Besides, I have plans tonight so I can't go."

"Plans?"

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" Ashton sighs and shakes his head. He looks at his girlfriend. Now he remembers why he wanted to break up with her. But how can he? _Look at her. She's so beautiful._ Lexi may have had a ton of make up on that she didn't need, but it was executed really well. And her long blonde hair fell perfectly on her shoulders.

Lexi smiles and skips out of the room leaving a disappointed Ashton alone.

_I love you so much that I hate you_

_Right now, it's so hard to blame you_

_'Cause you're so damn beautiful_

_You're so damn beautiful_

While Ashton was trying to keep up his end of the promise, Luke was also trying to keep up his end of the promise. After school, he went straight to Michael's house, just hoping that Michael is home. He takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

It's only seconds before someone opens the door, but to Luke, it feels like hours are passing by. Michael's mom opens the door happy to see Luke. "Hi Luke! It's been a while since I've seen you, how are things?" Luke could tell she knew something was wrong.

"Things have been a bit rough, but I'm hoping to start to fix things right now." Luke didn't feel the need to lie to her since it was clear Michael was not himself lately. She smiles satisfied and nods upstairs, indicating Michael was upstairs. Luke smiles and heads up the stairs trying to rehearse what he was gonna say. _Hey buddy, what's up? No too casual. How are you? No._

But by the time he reached Michael's door and looked inside, all his rehearsal flew out the window. Michael was curled up in a ball on his bed, headphones blasting, facing away from the door. He must not have heard Luke come in but Luke could hear sniffles and sobs coming from the boy; Luke's heart broke.

His first instinct was to run up to the boy, wrap his arms around the boy, and just comfort him. But he hesitated. What if Michael didn't want him there? What if this would make Michael even more embarrassed? What if he makes Michael feel worse? _No, if I don't help him now, he'll never feel better. I gotta be a good friend to him._

_Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?_

_I don't wanna know, oh_

_But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change_

_And you know that you're always gonna stay the same_

Michael jumps when he feels the arms around him, but when he looks up and see's Luke's blond quiff towering over him, he turns around so he's facing Luke and starts to cry harder. Luke holds the boy for a few minutes before Michael pulls away and looks up at Luke, tear stained face showing so much appreciation for the blond boy.

Right before Luke had gotten there, Michael just had a breakdown. There was no specific reason, all his emotions just pent up inside him throughout the day and he just let it all out as soon as he got home. That's been the routine for the last few days. But today, he was super thankful that Luke had shown up and even though it made him feel a lot better, he also hated the fact that he had to rely on other people to help him through things.

"I'm here, Mikey. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you. I just didn't know what to say and I thought you were mad at me but then I realized that didn't matter because I needed to be here for you and I'm glad I'm here now." That definitely was not what Luke thought he was gonna say but once he said it, he was kinda happy how that turned out.

Michael shot him a small smile, still not wanting to say anything. That was something else he was struggling with. He was afraid of speaking and he hadn't spoken for a couple weeks, or however long it was since the whole thing between him and Calum went down.

"Calum misses you." Calum. While Calum was actively trying to find Michael so he could talk to him, Michael had been actively trying to avoid him. "He's also really been struggling with everything. I think you should talk to him." Michael stayed silent. _Maybe I should go talk to him._ He missed Calum a lot and he wanted his best friend and boyfriend back. Michael nods but Luke could tell something was still seriously wrong. "Mikey? What's wrong?" Michael just looks sadly at Luke and Luke understood.

Michael hadn't said anything the entire time Luke was here. He also hadn't heard Michael speak after Calum had told him about the party. "Have you spoken since that day?" Michael shakes his head. "Oh Mikey. I don't wanna force you to do anything you're not comfortable to do, but I think you should really see Calum."

_Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?_

_I don't wanna know, oh_

_But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change_

_And you know you don't want it any other way_

Luke stays with Michael a little bit more before they go to Calum's. Luke just talked to him about things that were going on in his life. He talked about the covers he did and even asked if Michael wanted to play guitar with him one day, to which Michael smiled and nodded excitedly. He also talked to Michael about Ashton. Not the 'having a crush on Ashton' part but the 'I found a new friend who's been helping me out' part. He even told Michael that Ashton was the motivation for coming to talk to Michael today. Michael made a mental note to one day thank Ashton for that.

"Alright, ready to go see Calum?" Michael hesitates but nods. He was at least glad that he and Luke were back to normal, but he was terrified that he would do or say something that would make Calum hate him. Or want to break up with him. Or never want to see him again. His mind was spinning but if he didn't go, he'll never know. And that might kill him more.

_Every time that you say you're gonna leave_

_That's when you get the very best of me_

_You know we need it like the air we breathe_

_Air we breathe, yeah_

The two boys head out and Michael's heart beats faster with every step he takes. But all his fears leave him as soon as Calum opens the door.

"Mikey! I'm so sorry. I promise I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure I never hurt you again." Calum embraces the taller boy in a big warm hug and for a good minute, Michael's mind completely cleared with all thoughts except 'Oh my god, I love him'. Both boys have tears running down their face and Luke just smiles at the reunion. "I'm not gonna leave you Mikey. I need you." Michael holds onto Calum tighter and in that moment, all three of the boys are gonna be okay.

_I love you so much that I hate you_

_Right now, it's so hard to blame you_

_'Cause you're so damn beautiful_

_You're so damn beautiful_

Luke, Calum, and Michael may have had an easy and happy afternoon reuniting and figuring things out, but Ashton's afternoon was quite the opposite. He had grudgingly gone to the store and got everything on Lexi's list. He decided he wasn't gonna break up with her. Yeah, sometimes she was a lot, but she was also super sweet and she made him happy.

Two bags on each arm, Ashton walks up to Lexi's door and knocks. No one answers the door so he walks around to the back door. The back door is always unlocked during the day and that's how Ashton usually got in. Unsurprisingly, it's unlocked today and he walks in, struggling to carry all the groceries. He was just planning on leaving it all on the table and leaving a note since it seemed like no one was home, but his plans had to be altered when the plastic bag finally gave in and broke causing a huge ruckus.

Before he could react, Lexi walked out of the living room. "Ashton?"

Ashton looked at her a little embarrassed. "Hey Lexi. Sorry, I was just dropping off the groceries you wanted and… well, the bag broke. I knocked on the door but no one answered so I came through the back."

Lexi looked a bit flustered but Ashton wasn't sure why. "Oh yeah, uh, I was watching tv so I guess I didn't hear it. Um, thanks! I can pick this all up don't worry. I'll see you later then!" She tries to lead Ashton out.

"I thought you were busy today?" Ashton starts to pick up the few items on the ground.

"Oh yeah, I'm heading out in a bit."

"Do you wanna hang out until then?" Ashton places everything neatly on the kitchen table before heading towards the living room. "What were you watching? I'll join you."

"Ashton no!" But it was too late. Ashton had already walked into the living room and couldn't believe what he saw.

"Cory?" Ashton looks at the tall blond sitting on the couch. He turns to Lexi behind him who looks at him with a shy grin almost confirming Ashton's thoughts. "Have you been…" He can't finish his question.

"Ash I can explain." She mumbles. Ashton's head was spinning and without waiting for an explanation, he runs out of the house and gets into his car.

_Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?_

_I don't wanna know, oh_

_But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change_

_And you know that you're always gonna stay the same_

He wasn't sure what to do. Maybe there's an explanation. Maybe he jumped to conclusions. Or maybe that was a sign that he should've broken up with her when he had the chance. Maybe this is meant to be. Maybe this is the world telling him that he should've listened to Luke.

_Should I go back in and try to work things out? Should I go in to break up with her in person? Should I just text her that it's over? Should I just leave?_ Ashton lets out a huge groan before deciding that he just needed to get away. He starts the car and just drives around, not going anywhere in particular. He just wanted to clear his mind so he turns up the music and just tries to forget about everything that happened that day.

After a while of driving aimlessly, he decided to text the one person he knew he could talk to.

_Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?_

_I don't wanna know, oh_

_But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change_

_And you know you don't want it any other way_

Luke, Calum, and Michael were sitting in Calum's living room. Michael still hasn't said a word but Luke and Calum were just both glad that Michael was with them. The boys just decided to put on a movie. Something that would allow them to all relax after the last few weeks. Although neither Calum or Michael liked being the little spoon, Michael let Calum wrap his arms around him and just fell into Calum's warmth.

And even though it seemed like everything was back to normal, Michael still felt weird. He still felt scared. Scared that he wasn't good enough for Calum. Scared that Calum would still leave him one day. Scared that Luke would also leave him. Scared that he would never feel good enough to speak. But through all his fears, the little kisses Calum would leave on the top of his head would reassure him that everything would be okay. For now.

_The hardest part of all_

_Is that we're only built to fall_

The movie was nearing an end when Luke felt a buzz in his pocket. Reaching for his phone, he thought it was his mom asking when he was coming home. Or a Youtube notification that someone else had commented on his covers. Or his brother asking about something or other. But it was none of those.

**< From: Ashton, To: Luke>**

**Hey sorry to bother you. Do u think u can come over? I just need someone to talk to.**

Luke looked over at Calum who was holding a sleeping Michael in his lap. Luke usually felt a little uncomfortable with watching the couple cuddle, but this time, he felt happy. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. "I think I'm gonna head home if that's all good." Luke whispers to Calum careful not to wake Michael.

Calum nods and smiles. "Thanks for bringing him here, mate. Means a lot." Luke nods before grabbing his stuff and heading out. Even though Luke tried not to make too much noise, Michael still ended up waking up when the front door closed. He stirred a bit and rubbed his eyes before seeing a pair of beautiful brown eyes looking down into his. "How'd you sleep?" Calum speaks softly and Michael absolutely melts at how gentle the boy was and in that moment, he couldn't think about anything else except spending the rest of his life with Calum. _And Luke of course_ he thinks giggling to himself.

_Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?_

_I don't wanna know, oh_

_But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change_

_And you know that you're always gonna stay the same_

Despite living next door to the boy for a few years now, Luke has never been over his house. Ashton's mom opens the door and smiles. "Hi! You must be Luke. It's nice to finally meet you." Her smile lit up the room the same way Ashton's did. He recognized her when passing by on his way to Calum's. She would always be working on the flowers in the front yard or just watching Ashton's younger siblings play outside.

"Nice to meet you too. Is Ashton here?" She nods and motions upstairs to Ashton's room. Luke thanks her politely and starts up the stairs. "Ashton?" Ashton looks up to see Luke standing at the doorway.

"Hey mate. Hope this wasn't too inconvenient." Ashton looks at Luke sheepishly really hoping he didn't ruin the blond's day by asking him here.

"Not at all. Is everything okay?" Luke looks at the boy who was clearly upset.

"I just… I tried… I found out my girlfriend might be cheating on me but I didn't give her time to give me an explanation so I could have jumped to conclusions and now I don't know what to do." Luke sits next to Ashton on his bed.

"I thought you were gonna break up with her anyway?"

Ashton sighed and explained the whole day. "And now I'm not sure what we are. Or who I am. Or anything. I don't know what I wanna do. I wanna break up with her but I also like her a lot and I'm afraid of never finding someone else to love me like I thought she did." He didn't mean to spill that much and get so deep into his feelings, but once he did, he was glad it was Luke who was listening instead of anyone else.

_Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?_

_I don't wanna know, oh_

_But I know that I'm never, ever gonna change_

_And you know you don't want it any other way_

Although Luke was listening intently to Ashton and offering advice, he wasn't really aware of what was happing on the outside. Because on the inside, all Luke could think was how cute Ashton looked in that very moment. Luke had only ever seen Ashton with his hair held back in a bandana; but now, he had let his hair loose.

He only realized he completely stopped listening when he made eye contact with Ashton. He hated that he couldn't control his feelings. He hated how Ashton was probably the cutest person he's ever seen. He hated that he was falling for this boy he barely knew. He hated everything. But all he wanted to do right now was lean in and kiss the boy.

Little did Luke know, Ashton was thinking the exact same thing.

_I love you so much that I hate you_

_Right now, it's so hard to blame you_

_'Cause you're so damn beautiful_


End file.
